caswell

antithesis (view profile)
Posted 4:22 pm, 10/12/2021
Here's one that I hope my friend (self appointed nemesis?) Bestill appreciates

Back at ya!

What do you call a pretentious fish?

Superficial!

Did you hear about the crosseyed teacher that got fired? He could not control his pupils!

An 80 year old man was driving in Florida an rear ended this guys driving an Audi. The guy jumps out of his car an demands 10,000 dollars on the spot. The old man said let me call my son hes a dolphins trainer an he can help me. the old man gets his son on the phone an the irate guy grabs the phone from him an starts hollering at the son. The son says hold on a minute Im oming. Ten minutes later he rolls up in his jeep an proceeds to whip the guys ***. He then says to dad. Dad for the last time Im a seals trainer NAVY SEALS.

Woman walks into the Doctors office and says we need help. My husband will only eat dog food and I am afraid it will kill him. The Dr assured here while not the best diet it would not actually harm her husband. She accepted his explanation and left. A few days later she called the Doctor back and said you were wrong my husband is dead and the dog food is to blame. What happened said the Doctor? Well he was laying in the highway licking himself and got hit by a car she said

Why do they give old men in nursing homes Viagra? To keep them from rolling out of bed!

🤣😂🤭🤭🤣

90 year old man goes to Dr for the little blue pill, When asked he tells the Dr he is getting married to a 18 year old cheer leader, The Dr explained you do realize the age difference might prove to be fatal on your wedding night? The old man thought about it a minute and said if she dies she dies

An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.

"I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?"

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.

"Someone else must have shot the bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

Did yall hear about the club they tried to open for men with erectile dysfunction? They shut it down. It was a real flop, nobody ever came

Man driving sees road sign.

LOTS MORE FUN THAN ALL THE GRUMPY STUFF NOW.

Two statues had been standing in the park, facing each other, dressed in very little clothes, for decades. One was a depiction of Aphrodite, the other was a depiction of Zeus.

One fine day, a fairy dropped by and brought both statues to life, offering them to grant their biggest wish, but only for one hour.
Both statues did not think for much longer. They looked at each other and ran off to the bushes. Soon enough, the bushes could be seen swaying this way and that, leaves flying around. Half an hour later, the statues, looking a little disheveled, returned to the fairy.

‘That was fun!', said Zeus, ‘let's do that again!'
‘Allright,' said Aphrodite, ‘but this time you hold the pigeon and I get to crap on its head!'

That's a good one. Here's another
A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in an open carriage when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher. She asked him what she should have done: "what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response?" The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."

Man went bear hunting but got tired. He put down his gun to drink from the river. He looks up and a big